You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
