Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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