so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
