I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
