i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize