it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
