Sponge bath it is.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
