We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize