Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I died a long time ago.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
