Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
