My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
