I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
