matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You can't just leave with hair like that
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
