Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
