ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
