We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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