You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
