Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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