I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
