His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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