There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize