I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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