I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize