I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
