Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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