I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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