i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
