So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
