and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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