I love black thongs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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