Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
