Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize