My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
