I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
