dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They took my balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
