the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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