I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
