Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
