You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
