...so i touched it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize