Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
do herpes really smell.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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