I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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