When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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