did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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