I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
