That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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