Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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