i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
