note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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