I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
