Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
