she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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