she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
