You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
