By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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