i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
