then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
