I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
