yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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