You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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