Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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