Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
