You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
