I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
