better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
