We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
