So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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