The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize