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I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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