Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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