were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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